My farmer and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary just before harvest last year. Today I wanted to share my best advice about how to be a good farm wife for all of the new or soon to be farm wives out there.
How to Be a Farm Wife :
What to Expect when you Marry a Farmer.
Welcome! I ‘m Lindsey a farm wife and mom of three. I’m learning how to make my home a sanctuary for my busy family, cook like my mom, and enjoy life to the fullest on our farm. I’m sharing what I’ve learned as I go and I hope you’ll join me!
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What is it like to date a farmer?
When I met my husband in college, we went on two dinner dates and I was already falling hard. And it was a good thing, because our third date was in the lambing barn. From that point on our dates looked like pizza in a hay field, checking lambs at midnight, or riding the buddy seat in the combine. This was a good preview of what life as a farm wife would look like.
We of course had occasional nights out for a concert or to celebrate a wedding with friends, but much of our time together was dictated by the farm. I learned that farming is a lifestyle and not just a job. And I learned, rather slowly, to keep my boots in my car.
What does a farmer’s wife do?
The work of a farmer’s wife is really crucial to every farm operation, but it looks different for every farming family. Many farm wives work a job off of the farm to provide insurance and additional income for the family.
In many cases farm wives are responsible for managing the home by cooking and cleaning and caring for children in their husband’s absence. They support the farm by picking up parts, shuffling equipment from field to field, admin and bookkeeping tasks, and feeding the farm crew during busy seasons.
(Read my best tips for field meal planning and delivering field meals.)
Some farm wives contribute directly to the daily operation of the farm. Working alongside their spouse, these women manage and care for livestock, market and sell crops, and operate equipment. No matter what mix of tasks a farm wife takes on, it is safe to say that they play an important role in the success of the farm.
Is it hard being a farmer’s wife?
When I was a newlywed I looked forward to making and eating dinner with my husband at the end of the day. I didn’t realize his day didn’t end until 10 pm. Like seven days a week nine months a year. I got a similarly shocking reality check when our first daughter was born in early October. My husband was back in the combine the day after we brought her home.
Farming is definitely a more demanding job than most and because of that being a farmer’s wife comes with plenty of unique challenges. Solo-parenting, holidays on your own, birthdays in a corn field, constant mud and unknown stains; all my farm wives will know these struggles well. The key is managing expectations and knowing how to be flexible. Prioritize communication with your spouse and keep your priorities aligned. Remember to keep a sense of humor when things feel overwhelming or stressful.
The good news is there are numerous benefits to farming and it is important to take time to remember how lucky we are to be able to live this rural life with our spouse.
Benefits of Marrying a Farmer
My favorite thing about being married to a farmer is seeing my husband do the job he loves so much everyday. I love celebrating his successes and watching him chase his dream. I also love the history and legacy of living and working on a generational farm.
Our kids are exposed to fresh air and nature and have a living example of entrepreneurship. I love that living on the farm allows us to be so close to our families. Farming has benefited our family in so many ways and I hope the same is true for yours!
How can I be a good Farm wife?
As the years have passed I’ve learned some really valuable farm wife lessons and I am definitely living up to decent farm wife at this point! I’ve listed out some actionable tips for being a good farm wife for all of the newly minted (or soon to be) farm wives out there.
- Develop a good record and filing system for all of the farm receipts.
- Get comfortable flying solo and saying no when you’re too busy. This gets harder when you have kids, but is even more important!
- Make time for your own hobbies.
- Create good systems for managing your home. There will be more laundry than you can imagine!
- Get to know where all of the farms, fields and barns are located.
- Go visit your farmer and participate when you can, and bring the kids!
- Be your farmer’s cheerleader. He has to make a lot of difficult decisions and it can be stressful in a job with little certainty. Let him know that you believe in him and have his back.
- Give yourself grace, no one is doing it all and you don’t have to either!
I’m so glad you joined me today and I just want to say if you’re newly married to a farmer or about to be, welcome to the club! We’re so glad to have you! I sincerely hope this was helpful or encouraging to you and would love to hear from you in the comments!
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Being a farmer’s wife is “a full-time, seven-day-a-week deal,” one participant said. (Photo by StockMediaSeller on Shutterstock)
Why America’s farm women are reaching their breaking point
Story by StudyFinds Staff
ATHENS, Ga. — Alarming new research paints a heart wrenching picture of what it’s really like to be the ‘farmer’s wife’. Behind the picturesque scenes of American family farms lies a complex reality for the women married to male farmers, one filled with overwhelming responsibilities, emotional labor, and a unique form of isolation that researchers are only beginning to understand.
An eye-opening new study from the University of Georgia pulls back the curtain on the mental health challenges faced by these women, revealing that their roles extend far beyond traditional expectations.
The study’s title, “A Great Life, if You Can Stand It,” captures the bittersweet nature of farm life for these women. While they deeply value their rural lifestyle and take pride in their contributions to family farming, they also shoulder tremendous burdens that often go unrecognized by the broader society.
Consider this: Most Americans know farming is stressful, and farmers face one of the highest suicide rates of any occupation. But what about the women who stand beside them? These women aren’t just supporting players—they’re juggling multiple demanding roles while serving as the emotional backbone of their families and farms.
‘Matter of national security that farmers survive’
Led by Anna Scheyett, a professor at the University of Georgia’s School of Social Work, the research team conducted six focus groups with 29 women married to farmers across rural Georgia. These participants, ranging in age from 25 to 72 years old, painted a vivid picture of their daily lives through candid discussions about their roles, stresses, and coping strategies.
What emerged was a portrait of women wearing multiple hats – and sometimes drowning under their weight. The researchers identified five major themes in these women’s experiences: everything-but-farming, farming work, managing emotions, being misunderstood and lonely, and coping strategies.
“If we don’t control our food sources, we don’t control our health and safety,” warns Scheyett. “It’s a matter of national security that farmers survive in the United States. And one of the big factors in helping farms survive is women.”
The everything-but-farming role encompasses all activities that enable farmers to focus solely on crop production. These women manage households, care for children and elderly parents, maintain yards, and often work full-time jobs off the farm. As one participant starkly put it: “If it has to do with our kids or my household… that is 100% on me.”
‘He doesn’t look at the bank account’
Because farming is inherently uncertain—one bad frost can spell disaster for the season’s crops—two-thirds of the women in the study work full-time outside the home. This provides crucial financial stability and health insurance for their families, but it also significantly increases their mental load.
Yet despite this designation, these women are actually deeply involved in farm work too. Many drive tractors, help with harvests and manage the farm’s finances. More than half reported being responsible for the farm’s bookkeeping, a task many found particularly stressful as they were often self-taught and carried the heavy burden of knowing the farm’s complete financial picture.
“He doesn’t look at the bank account … as far as looking at it on paper, what we have coming in and what we have going out, I carry that burden,” one woman said.
More than half of women married to farmers admit they wind up overseeing the bookkeeping for the (Photo by StockMediaSeller on Shutterstock)
Perhaps most striking is these women’s role as emotional managers for their entire families. The study found they feel responsible for maintaining positive atmospheres while absorbing their husbands’ stress and negative emotions, supporting them through difficulties, and mediating tensions between fathers and children during stressful farming periods.
The study revealed a particularly poignant form of stress these women face: role isolation. “What a lot of people don’t realize is as a farmer’s wife… you can’t get off at 5 o’clock and go and hang out with your friends like ‘normal’… because it’s a full-time, seven day a week deal,” one participant explained. As another simply stated, “It is really easy to get sad.”
The study revealed a particularly poignant form of stress these women face: role isolation. Unlike their urban or suburban counterparts, women married to farmers often feel fundamentally misunderstood by others who don’t grasp their lifestyle. Missing birthday parties, having disrupted holidays during planting or harvest seasons, and being unable to maintain regular social connections creates a unique form of loneliness.
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While it might seem like being the “woman of the farm” is an idyllic lifestyle, new research shows it’s a stressful, burdensome position. (Photo by StockMediaSeller on Shutterstock)
To cope with these challenges, these women have developed various strategies.
Many turn to faith for support, with over half specifically mentioning the importance of their Christian faith. They also find joy and pride in their lifestyle, particularly in raising children on the farm. One wife noted how lucky she felt because “we live right here in the midst of it all, so there’s no life like it.”
“These are powerful, resilient women,” Scheyett says.
“They are passionate about farming and farm life, proud of what their families are doing, proud of their kids, proud of how hard their husbands are working and how hard they’re all working.” Interestingly, one common coping mechanism identified was the tendency to minimize their own contributions and challenges.
One participant described herself as just the “gopher” despite managing bookkeeping and making all town-based purchases for the farm. Women frequently rationalized their husbands’ stress-induced negative behaviors by attributing them to exhaustion or external pressures.
Mental health is a major issue for American farmers, as the industry holds one of the highest suicide rates in the country. (Photo by SKT Studio on Shutterstock)
‘If we don’t support these families, we’re in big trouble’
The study’s findings, published in the journal Rural Mental Health, have important implications for rural mental health practitioners and policymakers. Scheyett suggests several potential solutions, including using Extension services to connect women and reduce isolation. Another crucial need is addressing the scarcity of rural childcare, which is both hard to find and extremely expensive.
According to Scheyett, policies increasing access to quality and affordable care “would give the women a little bit of breathing space.” At its heart, this research reveals a group of women who are vital to American agriculture yet often invisible in discussions about farming stress and mental health.
“I ultimately would hope that people can move beyond whatever stereotypes they have about farming and families who farm,” Scheyett says. “If we don’t support these families, we’re in big trouble as a country because we won’t be able to generate our food.”
Source: Why America’s farm women are reaching their breaking point