January is my Birthday Month!! I turn 55 on the 5th…
My motto is 55 and alive to thrive! isn’t that some sort of super Golden Birthday or something ?! I LOVE Birthdays!! Many people dread getting older and lament the passing of the years. I admit, I’ve had my moments of wishing I had fewer wrinkles around my eyes and I liked staying up later but all in all, I’m so grateful for every single year. I think when one has had a diagnosis of cancer, or any life changing event, birthdays take on an entirely new meaning.
Each year I am here, I find so much more to be thankful for.
Aging is a privilege denied to many and this is something I’m intimately aware of. So, I’m going to celebrate the entire month of me turning 55… if you want to spoil me a bit for my birthday, my Linktree is in my bio, I have my Amazon wish list and Venmo /PayPal links there too. I love a good surprise!! I’m going to start my month of celebrating by getting my nails done and getting a treat at my favorite bakery… It’s gonna be a great month!!! #birthdaygirl #golden birthday #birthday blessings #survivor #thriver
November 21, 2023
It was 18 years ago that I got the news that changed my life forever. It’s the very clear
line of the “Before and After” I had been dealing with symptoms for a few months but November 21, 2005 at 1:30 in the afternoon was when we were told I had cancer. Not just any cancer, but malignant pleural mesothelioma. The rest of the appointment is a blur… all I remember thinking was how I would survive this to raise my baby who was only 3 months old at the time.
I remember him telling us that I only had 15 months to live if I didn’t seek treatment.
I remember he laid out options, and Boston being the place I needed to go if I wanted the best chance at beating this cancer. I remember my husband looking at me with tears and fear in his eyes and telling the doctor to get us to Boston.
I will never forget the feelings of the day though, I still carry it with me all these years later. The fear of what the future held, the possibility of my life ending , the quiet determination when I decided I would fight this cancer with my entire being. I was determined to be around to not only raise my child, but be an active and present part in life. …
Today, 18 years later, I’m going in for my yearly CT scan and I woke to the news
that a dear fellow warrior and my UK Counterpart, Mavis Nye has passed away.
She was such an inspirational woman!
This cancer has robbed us of too many people. It’s aggressive and ugly and difficult to treat, but the path I chose saved my life. And I will carry on, making people aware of this horrid cancer and offering help to those who find themselves where I was 18 years ago. Like Dr Sugarbaker always said “When Hope is in the equation, the odds don’t matter.” Onward.
February 2, 2024
It will have been 18 years ago when I woke up early. Let’s be honest, I didn’t really sleep that night. Anxiety and fear were coursing through me. I closed my eyes and just silently prayed. As I waited for my transport down to the preop area I did everything I could to calm my nerves. I looked at pictures of my little baby, who was with my mom and dad some 2000 miles away. I just closed my eyes and waited.
As I sat in the pre-op area, waiting for Cams to show up, I nervously joked with the nurses and anesthetists. Anesthesiologists love to joke about doping people up, at least in my experience. After a few minutes, I looked up and saw Cams rushing over to me. His cab had been late in picking him up but he was there. He had his backpack full of stuff to keep him occupied while I endured the 8-hour surgery.
Before we knew it, I was being wheeled off to the OR. Things get pretty foggy from there.
I remember getting into the surgical suite and stating how cold it was in there, then being moved from the gurney to the table, the mask going over my face and blackness. The next memory I have was them pulling my intubation tube out while waking up. I’m glad I don’t really remember the feeling, more just the movement.
I was wheeled down to recovery to wait for a room in the ICU. I was in that room
watching people come and go as I drifted in and out of sleep, waking to ask for water.
I just remember being SO thirsty. I waited in the post-op area until almost midnight, and Cams waited with me the whole time, making phone calls and updating people throughout the day.
When I finally got to the ICU, I was hooked up to more machinery and gadgets than
I could count. I had a PICC line, a central line, a catheter, two chest tubes, and an ng tube for feeding. It was a lot, but I was ALIVE!!! I was down one lung, but the cancer was gone. Dr. David Sugarbaker, “Mr. Mesothelioma”: Treatment Pioneer (asbestos.com) was happy with the surgery and I was on my way to also recovering from the day we now call Lungleavin Day.
Although most of my memories are a blur, Cams can tell how he was taken under the
wing of another meso patient’s family and how a favorite nurse made him a bed in the
family waiting room and fed him so he could stay with me.
I never realized I could hold so many complex emotions at once.
Survivorship is a mixed bag… Overwhelming gratitude.
Deep sorrow and even guilt… They all live together when I reflect on my 18 years of surviving this cancer. I mourn for the life I had pre cancer, yet I celebrate all I’ve accomplished as a result.
I often deal with survivors’ guilt when friends who I’ve gotten to know as a result of this disease, die and I’m still here. It strengthens my resolve to bring awareness to this deadly cancer and speak for those who can’t. It’s my life’s work now, and being able to share on a platform like this at the NCI is such an incredible opportunity. #survivor #meso warrior #mesosurvivor #rare cancer #thriver
Survivorship isn’t all beauty and bliss. It’s full of anxiety, worrying about the future and wondering if or when that beast will rear its ugly head again. Life is never truly normal again, but rather a new normal where doctor appointments , scans and medication are all part of it. It’s getting a suspicious symptom and wondering if the cancer is back. It’s living in the moment because you don’t know what the future holds.
People expect you to be all happy and act like nothing ever happened when in reality, you’re left trying to reassemble a life that was broken like a Lego sculpture swept off a shelf, most of the pieces are there and the directions are missing . You do your best to piece it back together, but it’s never quite the same. Survivorship is a sh*tshow ..
Although I’m beyond grateful and happy to be here all these years later, I know that it can and should be so much better.. So I’m doing what I can to make sure that this life is grand, despite the mess. My Lego sculpture might not look like it did before but let me tell you, this one is shaping up to be even more spectacular. The most painful part of surviving cancer is losing the friends you’ve made with other cancer patients.
I was looking through my photos the other night and was reminded of the literal dozens
of friends I’ve lost over the years. So many amazing people from all walks of life and all ages. Cancer doesn’t care if you’re young or old. It doesn’t discriminate, it seeks to destroy. But what it can’t destroy is the wonderful memories and times shared with each person.
Whether they lived close, across the country, or on the other side of the globe, I’ve loved them all. So as the news of yet another friend passing, and one entering hospice as her time on this earth comes to end, I just remember the love, the smiles and the friendship,
in spite of how we met.. It’s the silver lining of cancer: the people you meet along the way. #survivor #fcancer #heartbreak #silverlining
Cancer Survivor that Climbs Mt Everest with One Lung – Search (bing.com)
Search Results for Sean Swarner | Cancer Quick Facts (solitarius.org)
