It’s when we start becoming confident that real learning begins. Learning something new can be challenging. We tend to forget that we once had to learn everything we now take for granted — walking, talking, feeding ourselves, riding a bike, etc. Sometimes we can become disheartened by how long it’s taking to learn that new knowledge or skill, and it seems like we will never get there — until the day we do.
The experience of life creates a multitude of situations, events and encounters and we all respond to these experiences in our own way. Unpleasant experiences can lead to negative emotions, and when we don’t fully accept and allow the emotion to flow through us, we are left with the energy of this negativity living within our own energy bodies.
This negative energy can accumulate over time, and we continue to carry it with us. This negative energy has an impact on the way we think and behave, including the way we think about ourselves.
For example, my own father was highly critical of everything I did and never gave praise, only negative comments – no matter how great my achievements. I spent much of my childhood (and even adult life) trying to impress him and gain his approval, but of course it never came.
The emotional pain this created stayed with me and obviously affected the way I thought myself. But this is just one example. Everyone’s life path is different and your energy pain-body will be different to mine. But we can all benefit from doing emotional release and healing exercises, and that is exactly one of the things I did.
2. Examine Your Thoughts And Your Mind Chatter
Humans have a habit of focusing on the negative, and the negative energy from withheld emotional pain that I spoke about above further encourages this. Most of us have so many negative thoughts stream habitually through our heads all day that most of the time we don’t even notice it.
So what thoughts go through your head as you go about your day? And, more importantly when you have low self esteem, what are you saying about yourself to yourself?
Do you make a mistake and mumble “stupid idiot” under your breath before you even realise it? Do you look in the mirror and suddenly have a stream of negative comments about your appearance flash through your mind automatically?
Negative mind chatter will focus on anything negative about anyone and anything – including yourself. I believe it’s vital to become aware of and begin addressing your negative self talk if you are to heal, expand and grow – and begin overcoming low self esteem.
I have done a lot of work on my own self talk, and I encourage you to do the same if you want to build your self esteem.
Please have a look at my section on self talk, where I teach you about the ways I began to turn my own self talk around for the better.
3. How To Increase Self Esteem By Nurturing Yourself
What have you done for yourself today? And I don’t mean brushed your teeth or brought a new toaster. What have you done that brought you joy and helped you feel good?
If you have low self esteem, then you probably don’t do much self nurturing because you feel you don’t deserve it. But if you begin to make it a regular habit to do things just for yourself that bring you joy, then you get into that feeling of allowing yourself this time because you are worthwhile.
4. Keep A Notebook Of Positive Things About Yourself
Buy yourself a small notebook or journal that you find attractive. Now it is your task to write at least one thing in that journal everyday – no matter how small.
Everyday, think of at least one positive quality that you have or one positive thing you did that day. Most of us feel awkward appreciating and acknowledging good things about ourselves, so you may find it hard to get started. If it helps, you can ask someone you trust what they think is one of your positive qualities.
Here are some examples to get you started:
– I always smile when I pass a stranger in the street – I performed my job to the best of my ability today
– I like to make people laugh
– I comforted my child when he felt scared
– I am proud of my honesty.
Getting into the habit of allowing yourself to acknowledge and accept your positive qualities will help train your mind to focus on your favorable aspects rather than on those you consider to be negative. And it feels good to feel good about yourself.
Here are some ways to improve your confidence right now, and get back on track to being the best you can be!
1. Praise yourself. Acknowledge and appreciate your talents, qualities and abilities. Do you ever praise yourself, or just spend your precious time belittling yourself? Right now:
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Write down 5 things you are good at. Even if it’s a small talent or ability, acknowledge it.
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Remind yourself of the times that you were complimented… however you shrugged it off as “nothing.” Now, think back to that situation and say “THANK YOU” with a big smile on your face.
2. Be your own best cheerleader. It’s easy to be your own worst critic, but there are so many people out there who are willing to be your worst critic – the haters, the jealous ones, the ones who just don’t believe you or like you… so let them voice their opinions (because what they say is NOTHING more than opinion)… and don’t beat yourself up over mistakes and failures. Mistakes and failures DO NOT EXIST as negatives if you learn and grow from them!
4. Quit taking things personally. So, someone hates your photograph. So, someone dismisses your well-researched report as make-believe. So, someone thinks you’re using performance-enhancing drugs just because you had a day in the Zone. There will always be people whose sole mission is to bring others down. Ignore them. It’s just noise. Block out the negative noise and only allow yourself to absorb constructive criticism (an opportunity to improve) and praise (acknowledgement). Don’t give your personal power away to the haters. Don’t allow another person to dictate how you feel about yourself.
5. Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s so unproductive! There will always be someone better, faster, smarter, prettier… and who cares? The more focus you put on them, the less energy you have to focus on yourself. Focus on being the best YOU can be. Let others inspire you, but put your own spin on what you do.
6. Leave your baggage at the last station. Your past is irrelevant. Start to think of yourself as a “rags to riches” story and RIGHT NOW, leave the past behind. Rewrite your “Story of Me.” The past is history… and aren’t reruns boring?
7. Every day, do a little bit. Of course your grand goals are overwhelming. You’ll never get there without action. Take tiny steps every day and you’ll a) look back and see how far you’ve come and b) you’ll be closer to your goal (and soon, beyond it). Commit to 15 minutes a day of working on your dreams.
8. Clear your solar plexus chakra. Your level of self-esteem can be the difference between success and frustration so uplift yourself daily, spend time in the sun, fill your space with light and bright colors (yellow in particular) and focus on your passions and dreams.
10. Do it anyway. Fear of failure, rejection, pain, and even success, can paralyze you. But whatever horrible catastrophe you’re imagining is just that – imagination. You can also choose to imagine the best-case outcome. So do that, and take action.
11. Surround yourself with people who inspire, uplift and support you… and create an empowering environment: read books that educate you, watch TV shows that inspire you, listen to music that uplifts you… you get the picture.
12. Visualize! Elite athletes all do this: they visualize the moment of success, but also every movement in the process. LIVE what you want in your imagination and heart, before you take your first step! Always visualize success and the positive emotions that go with it – and remember to visualize the delightful and challenging moments that make up a great experience. Visualize yourself as the hero(ine) of your own mental movie!
13. Love yourself by choosing to be confident. Confidence means you aren’t afraid to “fail” because you know you’ll bounce back stronger than before. Confidence means that you aren’t afraid to try because you will not be diminished in any way if things don’t go as planned. Loving yourself means allowing yourself to give full expression to your life and use your talents and time in the best possible way… not hiding and regretfully wishing while others live magnificent lives.
Go for it!
If you are open and willing to shake your limiting beliefs and insecurities a little bit so that you can regain the power and control over your life, these 7 steps will help you do just that.
1. Accept the truth – “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
Nobody knows your struggles better than you do; nobody knows your life experiences better than you do. Whether you’ve been through a lot or not in your life by now and whether you feel like a victim, whether you feel like people treated you rightly or not, it’s important for you to realize, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt..
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Eleanor Roosevelt was a wise woman who inspired many during her life and after her death. While there are many to pick from, one of my favorite Roosevelt quotes is: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
It is so easy to let the opinions of others matter more than they should, the only thing that gives someone else’s opinion true weight is you. If you can find a way to ignore the negative opinion of others, think how much better your life would be. Take it from me, it’s much easier said than done, but that is why Roosevelt’s words are so important.
Every morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’ You won’t believe how much better you feel when you start to accept that small, simple truth.
Oh, and by the way, you’re kind of amazing… try to remember that!
2. Let the healing process begin
People have insecurities not because they were exposed to too much positivity, encouragement, and happiness but rather because those close to them criticized them because they were exposed to destructive behaviors. Usually, insecurities come from a time when you were hurt and injured emotionally. Somebody said/did something to you that made you sad/hurt and often these insecurities originate in childhood. See if you can go back in time, see if you can remember how it all started, where it originated. This practice is really therapeutic and will help you heal most of your wounds and insecurities. Let go of the old you and allow fresh new positive thoughts to enter your mind.
“You have the power to heal your life, and you need to know that. We think so often that we are helpless, however, we’re not. We always have the power of our minds. . . .Claim and consciously use your power.” ~ Louise L. Hay
3. Ask questions
Whenever you have a thought that is not beneficial to you pop in your mind, just ask yourself questions like:
“Do these thoughts have any real foundation?
Will they matter 10 years from now?
Are they helping me in any way?
Why do I think this way?
Where do these beliefs originate from? Are these beliefs mine?
Do I really want to pollute my mind in this way?”
Ask questions in order to find the answers, for in these answers you’ll discover that you don’t have to believe everything you think.
“The power to question is the basis of all human progress.”~ Indira Gandhi
4. Be willing to change your mind
Having the same thoughts over and over again will do you no good. The same old thoughts will lead to the same old behaviors and the same old behaviors will lead to the same old results. If you are not happy with where you are and what you have, be willing to embrace change, be willing to change your mind.
No matter how old you are, no matter what part of the world you are living in, no matter what your religion is, no matter what skin color you have, it’s never too late to change your mind. It’s never too late to let go of who you think you are in order to allow yourself to become what you could be.
“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” ~ Albert Einstein
5. Envision the end result
What are the attitudes you want to embody, what are the skills you want to master? What do you want people to recognize you for? What is the envisioned result of your thoughts, decisions, and actions? Know where you want to be and who you want to be and start taking action.
“Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.” ~ Japanese Proverb
6. Look into your mind’s eye – visualize to materialize
Once you know what you want to achieve, once you know the person you want to become the level of confidence you want to master, things will start to fall into place and by using the power of visualization things will get a lot easier. It’s important for you to look into your mind’s eye and visualize the desired outcome, to see yourself as already being the person you want to become and as already having achieved all the things you want to achieve.
I really love how George Kohlrieser talks about this in his book, Hostage at the Table: How Leaders Can Overcome Conflict, Influence Others: “The power of imagination is incredible. Often we see athletes achieving unbelievable results and wonder how they did it. One of the tools they use is visualization or mental imagery… they made the choice to create their destinies and visualized their achievements before they ultimately succeeded.”
7. Get emotional
You want to make sure that in the end all of the things you envisioned will eventually materialize, and by assuming the feelings that come from having the things you want to have and by feeling the feelings that come from being the person you want to be, you will accelerate the manifestation process, and you will help bring into form the things you need even faster.
“The emotions aren’t immediately subject to reason, but they are always immediately subject to action.” ~ William James http://www.healing-with-eft.com/gaining-self-confidence.html
~LOve, LIfe This is one of the strongest deliberate complete message I’ve heard. On point. Thank you Abraham
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