How to Believe in Yourself
By Leo Babauta
There was a long time when the lack of belief in myself was a major factor in my life.
I didn’t pursue an ideal career, or start my own business, because I didn’t think I could. I didn’t stick to habits because I didn’t really believe I had the discipline. I was shy with girls, I had a hard time making new friends, I didn’t assert myself in the workplace. I didn’t push past my comfort zone.
All because I didn’t really believe I could.
While I’m not free of self-doubt these days, I can honestly say I believe in myself like never before. That doesn’t mean I think I’ll never fail or quit: I will. Probably often.
And that’s OK.
The trick is that I learned it’s completely fine to try and fail, to put yourself out there and not be perfect, to say hello to someone and have them not instantly love you, to create something and have people judge you.
Failure, not being perfect, mistakes, not having people agree with me, not being completely accepted: these are not negative things. They’re positive.
How is failure positive? It’s the only way we truly learn. For example: you can read a book on math, but until you try it and fail, you’ll never see where your lack of understanding is. The best way to learn something is to study it a bit, then try it, take practice tests, make mistakes, then learn some more.
How are mistakes positive? They’re little pieces of feedback necessary to grow and learn.
How is being rejected positive? It means I’m growing beyond the absolutely socially acceptable realm. The best people in history were not socially acceptable: truth-tellers like Socrates, Jesus, Gandhi, Proudhon and Bakunin, Martin Luther King Jr., animal rights philosopher Peter Singer, unschooling pioneer John Holt, women’s rights activists, abolitionists, and many more.
These things we’re afraid of — they’re actually desirable. We need to learn to see them that way, and embrace them, letting go of the fear.
When we can get better at this — which takes a lot of practice — we can start to remove the things that hold us back.
So practice:
- Push past your discomfort, growing your discomfort method.
- Put yourself out there, and be OK with not knowing if people will accept you.
- Stick to a habit, not listening to the negative self-talk that normally holds you back.
- Stick to it some more, and learn to trust yourself.
- Go into situations not knowing, and learn to be OK with that.
- Learn through repeated attempts that it’s OK to fail, that you can be OK in failure.
- Learn through repeated experiments that you are stronger than you think, that you are more capable and more tolerant of discomfort than you think.
And in this practice, you will find yourself. And realize that you were great all along.
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🙂 Just believe In Yourself 🙂
You know what that voice in your head says…
You can’t do it. You’ll never be good enough. You’re going to fail.
This voice taunts you whenever you set a goal. It criticizes you when life gets difficult. It beats you down when you struggle to stand up against its running commentary.
You know you shouldn’t let self-doubt bother you, but it’s a sneaky critter. Sometimes, you just can’t contain it and it slips past your barriers.
And self-doubt is greedy. When it’s loose, it devours your confidence, strips logic and reason from your mind, and steals happiness from your heart. In return, it leaves you with only fear and insecurity.
You try to remove self-doubt by forcing yourself to “think positive,” which usually doesn’t work as well as you think it should.
For years I stopped myself before I even tried. I did it because I was afraid.
I was afraid of what people would say. I was afraid everyone would hate my art. I was afraid of failing as an artist.
When fear grabs you, your beloved goal forever feels out of reach. But it doesn’t just stop there, does it?
If left unchecked, the infectious bite of fear and self-doubt can spread. You unconsciously start questioning your knowledge and abilities in everything you do. And if you’re like me, you desperately want to find a cure.
One fateful day I realized that trying to beat out my self-doubt wouldn’t rebuild my confidence.
If I wanted to believe in myself, I needed to face my self-doubt and be willing to take care of it.
Before, I imagined self-doubt as a life-sucking monster. Now, I realize it’s actually a fearful, angry, and lost creature secretly crying for help.
Like fear, joy, and sadness, doubt is part of human nature, and it needs understanding. If you want to improve yourself, you need to tame your self-doubt, not fight with it.
That means paying attention to how you react to things, understanding the root of your insecurities, and taking steps to address your fears.
Stop listening to people who bring you down.
Some people are convinced that everything is impossible, and they are quick to shoot down ideas. They’ll poison your mind into a state of hopelessness.
Don’t let them steal your energy just because they’ve lost theirs.
Instead, surround yourself with supportive and passionate people who can both inspire you and bring out the best in you. You can find them among friends, family, books, or blogs like Tiny Buddha.
They will lift you up when you feel down and help you see the bright side of your darkest fears and doubts.
Recall your successes.
This one is tough. When you’re down, you’ll more easily remember the bad instead of the good. And oftentimes, the “rah-rah” pep talk just doesn’t cut it.
So, I suggest writing a list. Grab a piece of paper or small notebook, or open a blank document. Now write down your successes, big or small.
If you’re a bit bashful about your achievements, ask someone you trust to tell you the great things they think you’ve done. It’s refreshing and a great confidence boost.
And finally, keep your list with you at all times. It will help you find your way back to yourself whenever you get lost.
Trust and love yourself.
You probably spend more time being your own worst enemy instead of being your own best friend.
But you deserve to treat yourself better. After all, you have the rest of your life to spend with yourself.
Think of it this way: Would you mentally abuse or condemn your loved ones? Would you let them suffer in their time of need? If not, then why would you do it to yourself?
So, be kind to yourself. You are more capable and worthy than you give yourself credit for.
Are You Determined To Fail?
Do you notice the theme throughout all of the questions? There is an undercurrent of self – doubt and vulnerability. The unspoken thought that drives these questions is, “I don’t believe these ideas will work for me.” Or, stated another way, “I don’t believe I can make these ideas work. I don’t believe in myself.”
Worrying about not being able to implement a few diet changes is just one, tiny example of this fear. But a lack of belief in yourself will limit you no matter how great the ideas or opportunities are that you are exposed to.
My biggest question to the reader above would be this: Why are you determined to make these ideas not work for you? Why are you searching for reasons why these ideas won’t succeed instead of figuring out a way to make something good happen?
The biggest difference between successful people and unsuccessful ones (in health, in business, and in life) is that successful people are determined to make the situation work for them rather than playing the role of the victim and searching for reasons why a situation won’t work.
No idea will work for every person on the planet, but many ideas can work for most people … if you believe that you can make them work. You have to be willing to not just think differently, but to also to experiment with new ideas and trust that you’ll discover a way to make them work.
Believe in Yourself
The biggest difference I’ve noticed between successful people and unsuccessful people isn’t intelligence or opportunity or resources. It’s the belief that they can make their goals happen.
We all deal with vulnerability, uncertainty, and failure. Some of us trust that if we move forward anyway, then we will figure it out. As I sit here on Thanksgiving, I’m thankful that I’m one of these people.
When I started my business, I was the only entrepreneur in our family in the last century. I didn’t have anyone to learn from, but I trusted that I would figure it out anyway.
When I was kicked off a train in the middle of the night while traveling through Hungary, I was lost and confused. I couldn’t find anyone who spoke English, so as the train pulled away I ran along side, hopped back on, and trusted that I would figure it out anyway.
When I’ve discovered an opportunity that sounds awesome but that I’m not qualified for (which happens often), I trust that I’ll figure it out and go for it anyway.
I believe in myself. This confidence has made the difference for me again and again. I didn’t need intelligence or opportunity or resources. Just a simple belief in myself.
Do You Believe That Change Is Possible for You?
One of the most foundational beliefs of this community is that you can become better.
We believe that it is possible for human beings to improve. We believe that it is possible to raise the bar in your own life even if the world around you accepts average. We believe in ourselves and in each other. We believe that if you want better health or more happiness or a more meaningful job that you can make those things happen.
And because of this belief we are willing to test, experiment, and try new things even when we feel uncertain. If you don’t believe that it’s possible to make new things work, then it’s hard to make any progress. I don’t care how good the ideas are, nothing will work for you if you don’t believe in it. And more importantly, nothing will work if you don’t believe in yourself. http://jamesclear.com/motivati
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
—John F. Kennedy
An inspiring motivational video featuring motivational speech from Evan Carmichael.
Preview Believe in Yourself – Motivational Video
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