Reality
I needed a break. I needed to flee from my reality, to live life as if nothing were truly happening. As if life was normal, as if nothing had changed. Or so I thought. . . I thought a break would help, I thought a break would somehow strip away the truth Cancer strives to place.
Reality is ever redefining. It can literally change from one second to the next. . .
Ryan left for a week long sales training business trip on Monday, October 12th. I was excited and so was he. We just needed the break. The break from doctor visits, lab tests and more. The break from seeing reality for what it was presenting itself to be. He felt good and I was happy to see him feeling well and looking forward to something. Off he flew. The next evening he calls, a shaky, weak voice letting me know that out of nowhere he was feeling extremely weak, so weak he was nauseous and he didn’t know what to do. Reality sunk in. No matter what we do, no matter where we go, Reality comes right with you. An amazing thing happened that evening less than an hour after our conversation. His soul and physical well being was lifted. (I’ll go into that in another post in the future.)
Ryan did make it through a few more days feeling ok, doing what he needed to do but continued to realize that he just cannot do what he used to do. On Thursday, October 15th, pain in his left shoulder rose from the bones. Another side effect of having cancer in the bone marrow. Needless to say, I couldn’t wait until Ryan returned home. I was ready to face the reality. To face the path that we needed to endure. With God’s grace and leading by the Spirit I know we are on the right path. The peace that can only come from Him has guided our way and will continue to do so.
Fast forward to Tuesday, October 20th. The dreaded place: St. Francis Cancer Center. This place gives me knots in the stomach and brings out anxiety that I HAVE NEVER feel otherwise. It’s not just about me, but everyone I see coming in and out of the center. The frail bodies of many. The elder, the partners, sons, daughters and friends who are bringing their loved ones in. It’s such a quiet place. No excitement or enjoyment when I would look around. I understand, there’s no excitement or joy in my eyes either as I sit and wait for Ryan to be called in. There’s not many other reasons people come to this place. We waited to meet with the oncologist to review the bone marrow biopsy pathology report and recent blood work.
Upon entering the room, the oncologist confirmed the lymphoma has already perpetrated the bone marrow. It’s about 30% to 50% impacted. White Blood Cell count, Lymphocyte count, Eosinophil Absolute, Beta-2-Microglobulin and more are HIGH, while Red Blood count, Hematocrit, Hemoglobin, Platelet Count and a few others are LOW. Nothing too surprising in lieu of the diagnosis. Stage 4, B-Cell Follicular Lymphoma, Grade 2 with B-Symptoms confirmed. He has lymphatic tumors from the top of his neck to below the groin. Essentially every lymph node in his body is affected. He has developed a large mass of lymph nodes that have come together in his stomach that is now pushing unto his ribs. His right lung has around 1 liter of fluid and has developed atelectasis. His spleen is malignant and enlarged, and lymphoma has reached the bone marrow.
To not bore you with details I’ll just share one part of the appointment that just blew my mind:
Ryan: Doc, we need some paperwork filled out as we are applying for financial aid. Can you go ahead and answer this question? I just want to know.
“Will this condition, with reasonable medical certainty, result in this patient’s death in less than 6 months from the date of this statement?”
Doc: No.
Ryan: (nods head) Ok, good to know.
Doc: (verbatim) You have a higher chance of dying from chemotherapy than you do from the Lymphoma in the next six months.
Me: (Mouth drops, eyes open wide and I wish I could have snapped a picture of my face as I heard his statement.)
Doc: I’m a straight shooter. . .
Yup, the oncologist did just say that Ryan has a higher chance of dying from chemotherapy than he does from the Lymphoma itself in the next six months. He also reiterated the chemotherapy protocol Ryan should follow and that after the 6 months of chemo Ryan would be on another drug for 2 years in the hopes of keeping the Lymphoma in remission.
We walked away Tuesday with our final diagnosis and our final prognosis. It’s a big pill to swallow. It is the Reality in which we stood. But it doesn’t have to be the Reality that comes to fruition. We can choose another Reality.
Hopefully, you have read through our blog and understand the prognosis of Follicular Lymphoma per the American standard medical community. In short Follicular Lymphoma is not curable, but treatable. The standard treatment is 6 months of chemotherapy. After 6 months, if the lymphoma has shrunk and becomes dormant (not cured) then the patient is given another drug for 2 years. Per many studies, Follicular lymphoma tends to come back within 2-5 years in which then a new, more aggressive chemotherapy cocktail is given, assuming remission is achieved, the cycle repeats. About 50% of patients live past 5 years. Studies deviate, but about 30% of patients make it to 10 years. Of those that make it past ten years, they then face more aggressive Lymphomas and/or secondary cancers from chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is a PROVEN carcinogen. In other words, chemotherapy is known to cause cancer.
As you can easily understand, we are not excited about that possibility. Hence, our ever growing research. For many reasons which I shall not take the time to explain on this post, America has been lied to. There are so “MANY” other ways to “BEAT” and “CURE” cancer outside of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. The influences of the Big Pharma and the American Medical Association has misconstrued our society’s understanding of Cancer and its numerous treatments and cures. Inside any and all medical journals, clinical trials, government committee filed documents and so much PROOF there are other alternative and natural treatments to CURE cancer. Unfortunately, you have to dig and dig deep.
That’s what we did. We dug. We read, we listened, we watched. I have researched so much these past 6 weeks that mid last week I told Ryan I was done. I was done researching. I was done adding to the supplement list and therapy list. I already know what to do. I already know what will work. It’s not rocket science. Figuring out what to do next came by taking the time to research, asking the critical questions and then listening to the guidance of the Spirit. We are led, and when we move as we are led we will experience peace. That’s where we are. We are in Peace.
What does this mean? It means that I have to set aside all the pride I have left and come to final realization that we cannot do it alone. I cannot do what it takes by myself and still be a mom and a wife. It’s amazing how many times I have circled back to this. I let go, I take it back then I have to let it go again. This has led to our decision for Ryan to go to Chipsa Medical Hospital in Tijuana, Mexico.
https://theyololifeblog.
INEFFABLE
I’ve debated this post for hours but ultimately I wanted to continue down a path of total transparency no matter what. I want to say that I’m NOT …looking for answers. I’m simply sharing to share. Plus, I believe in the power of prayer & having tons of loving support.
As if our journey could get any more adventurous. I’m physically weak in bed most of the day in Mexico away from my kids doing my best to take this one day at a time. It’s tough when you are suffering physically as many of you know. It wears on you mentally, also emotionally & even spiritually. My Doctors are doing everything they can to figure out a solution for the fluid build up in my lungs & abdomen as it’s causing havoc. We truly have enough on our plates already but now the journey has taken another wild turn.
Last night I got the news my Dad who is also battling brain cancer for the 2nd time had been in a pretty severe car wreck. Thankfully he is going to be ok but hitting a tree head on at 60 MPH still has it consequences. He had fallen asleep at the wheel & fortunately the airbags did their job, plus he had his seatbelt on. After many tests it appears he has a broken right wrist, fractured sternum & a burst fracture on L 5 of his spine. As you can imagine he is in much pain. His wrist will require surgery soon & we are praying & believing his back will not. The car is totaled & not that there is ever a convenient time for this to happen but now just seemed . . . Well, I honestly don’t have the words!
My heart was heavy as so many thoughts flooded my mind at the hearing of this news. Our family is already pulling so much extra weight taking care of our 3 kids back home while Caroline & I are in Mexico. I couldn’t help but think, NOW, are you kidding me? What a crazy life this is in a crazy world. It wasn’t that I was worried about my Dad as I know he will heal & get through it. My mom of course is handling everything with amazing grace & positivity & I am simply left with all the emotions of wanting to be there to see my Dad, support my family & just be a part of this difficult time.
It was so surreal though as I have my own reality to deal with & I must stay focused on my situation at hand and just trust all is going to be ok back home without me. Man that is tough if I do say so myself. As the Doctors came in the next morning to check on me & start the daily protocol it came flooding out. I absolutely lost it & was not just crying it was almost like yelping & there was nothing I could do about it in that moment. The feeling of circumstances becoming so much had over taken me & the only way to work through this in a healthy manner was to just let them go. I did feel much better afterwards . . .
I had never experienced this kind of thing in my life before so all I could do is fall back on who I am & what I believe. This is how I am working through this to remain in peace.
• I am loved by God
• It is what it is
• There is so much to be thankful for
• Planet Earth hits us all, sometimes really hard & frequently for some reason
• God is not planet earth
• I guess our story just became even more amazing if that’s even possible
• We will get through this
• What an incredible family of Love & Grace I have & how blessed I am to benefit
• I think we are now officially maxed out on “tough circumstances”
• If we can laugh about it later why not laugh about it now
• There are no deep lessons to learn or questions to ask, this just happened, that’s it
• God is with us in the midst of all of this
• I’m not in control & that’s ok, I embrace uncertainty & the reality of that existence
• Never get too high & never get too low
• I’m not alone as many others face very difficult situations as well
• I have incredible love & support from so many & that along with God’s unconditional love keep me going daily
— How can you help?
~ Honestly, our #1 need is still financially as additional expenses have already come up in Mexico. Please know everyone that any & all contributions will also help my parents out during this time as well, as we are all working together as a family to meet all our needs collectively. Of course if you know them or want to contribute directly to them, please do so as I’m sure the next 6 months will require some assistance as my Father recovers. I tell you this because we are constantly having to do things you normally don’t have to do & they all seem to cost money. It’s just reality.
~ Prayer, I know it works & I would say our family could use plenty of it right now. The number one request for me is that we would be able to find a solution for the fluid build up. For my Dad, that wrist surgery would go flawlessly & his back would heal without surgery.
~ Other things may come up so feel free to INBOX me if you have some specific things or ways you would like to help.
~ I will gather a list of maybe some very specific needs that we have as a family & post those soon so people can potentially help that way as well. Perhaps gift cards to certain locations for example.
*** Thank you for all the love, support & prayers. As tough as our situation is I know by grace we can peacefully navigate through it until we are no longer faced with such difficult circumstances.
**** I’m most thankful that our family doesn’t believe that God did this, or that He is trying to teach us a lesson, or that somehow our sinning has caused this, or that He doesn’t love us, or that we are under a curse, or that He just chose us for such tough times in order for His glory. NOPE, none of that nonsense is true & wouldn’t serve us well at all. Things happen, God loves us, the end!
#LuelfStrong🏻 #CancerFreeRyan
Doing the HAPPY DANCE — GREAT NEWS update from Mexico! I’m literally in tears & just feel so much HOPE inside!
So today I just got almost 2 liters drained… from my stomach, such relief. BUT, here is all the great news which proves what we are doing is working!!!!!
• Spleen down to 13 cm from 17 cm just 6 days ago & 20 cm 11 days ago!
• Liver is almost back to normal size!
• Kidneys look great!
• Fluid was much more liquid & clear instead of jello like which means me protein levels are normalizing & that’s a great thing!
• I’m no longer in so much discomfort!
• I can eat again!
• Lymph Nodes on left groin are almost gone. Even the Doctor noticed this when draining my stomach!
• Doing my Vitamin / B-17 infusion & about to eat the best food ever baby!
• My family arrives tomorrow!
#LuelfStrong 🏻 #CancerFreeRyan
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Ryan’s Adventure With Cancer — 
feeling grateful with Ryan D. Luelf at Bio Care Hospital Health and Wellness Center.
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
• Drained 2.75 liters from left lung last night & was able to sleep for almost 7 hours
(Fluid built back up though by morning)
• Drained 3.25 liters from stomach just now & have so much relief, even if it will be temporary until the fluid re-builds
• All the Doctors believe the “DENVER SHUNT” is a fantastic idea so I’m trusting that is the best decision & I can schedule the procedure on Monday at my appointment in San Diego at 11:30am PST
• ~ Living in the Present ~ this experience teaches me to take life moment by moment as that is truly my current reality. Never getting to far ahead or wasting to much time looking back. It’s about embracing the moment continually
• The perspective this experience gives me is things as simple as taking for granted the ability to simply eat. It never crossed my mind one time in 35 years that I would appreciate & value the ability to eat & enjoy providing my body with proper fuel so much, literally I treasure this now
• Plan going forward is to stay 3 more weeks in Mexico & continue treatment that is working. We are at 53% of our goal:
3 options to DONATE:
(FULLY TAX DEDUCTIBLE, 100% go’s to Ryan’s Cancer Fund)
1. www.cancerfreeryan.org/
2. PayPal ~ luelftravel@gmail.com
3. Check
CHECKS PAYABLE TO:
Healing Grace Church ~
MEMO: Ryan Luelf ~ Cancer Fund
Mailing Address:
216 Luther drive
Broken Arrow, OK 74012
#LuelfStrong #CancerFreeRyan
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=
Ryan D. Luelf 
feeling stoked with Caroline Santiago Luelf at Jenks Health Team Hyperbaric Center.
I’m looking for 1000 people to share this 9 minute video . . . I’m serious!
https://www.facebook.com/
BLOG: >>> https://theyololifeblog.
Ryan D. Luelf 
feeling blown away with Caroline Santiago Luelf.
Detailed REPORT & UPDATE!
• No additional fluid build up in stomach for 6 days now after tweaking what I’m doing. Hadn’t went longer than 2 days in over a mont…h!
* NO Denver Shunt ~
Preview YouTube video Denver shunts ascites patient resource video
• Walked, moved around & rebounded some more in last 5 days than I had in the previous 6 weeks combined!
* We build muscle NOT by anything we eat or intake but by using them ~ 🏻
* Pushing myself physically ~ ⛷
• Flying home to Oklahoma Friday February 5th. My in-laws, Addison & Atlanta fly home Tuesday February 2nd!
* Can’t wait to get HOME ~
* Healing will continue in Oklahoma ~
• Hired a “Cancer Coach” to live with us for 30 days starting February 9th to ensure this transition home go’s much better than the last. He will provide daily accountability, assistance with juicing, daily enema’s, breathing exercises & even YOGA!
* I “get it” completely now, NO MORE CHEATING, period ~ 🏻
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* One of the best decisions we’ve made I believe ~
• STILL in search of HOME to live in & move into this Saturday February 6th in one of the areas I’ve mentioned!
* I trust the right place will come about very soon ~
* Please INBOX ME if you can HELP ~
• VIDEO has now hit over 100K views in less than 4 months, INEFFABLE! (Picture below ⤵) & link to same video on my YouTube channel >>> http://youtu.be/FstPmDRdwdI
* Keep sharing it & spreading the word ~
* DONATE >>> www.gofundme.com/LuelfStrong ~
• I am maxed out at 5,000 friends on my personal profile >>> www.facebook.com/
* LIKE my page as I update both now since my profile got maxed out >>> www.facebook.com/
* Thanks for being connected with me ~
• BLOG >>> https://theyololifeblog.
* Updates coming soon ~
* Book coming as well ~
#LuelfStrong #CancerFreeRyan #CancerPickedTheWrongDude #YOLO #Ineffable #gracebasedliving
Ryan D. Luelf 
feeling happy with Caroline Santiago Luelf.
A great 1st day back home in Tulsa, OK. Went to 2 of my son’s basketball games 🏀 for the first time in 2 months. Ate well all day long 🍊🍅. Went & looked at 2 houses with Caroline 🏠 also. Lots of fresh air, even walked up stairs to 2nd floor of house 😃 . . . Best day I’ve had in 2 months! 💙
#LuelfStrong 💪🏻 #CancerFreeRyan
*** PICTURE is one option we have on a house, not sure yet if it’s the one 👊🏻
A couple of things I’m learning on this adventure with cancer:
• The closer one is willing to change their DIET & lifestyle to 100% HEALTHY the less need for treatments.
• The more one is NOT willing to change their DIET & lifestyle the more treatments are needed.
…
• The closer one is willing to find FREEDOM from things such as stress, fear, anxiety, un forgiveness, bitterness, anger, any form of bondage including man made religion & performance, etc… the better chance HEALING will occur.
• The more one chooses to hold onto such things as stress, fear, anxiety, un forgiveness, bitterness, anger, any form of bondage including man made religion & performance, etc… the harder it is for HEALING to occur.
“The best way to HEAL is to PREVENT” ~ Me
#thoughtsfrom40000feet
#LuelfStrong
#CancerFreeRyan
*** I don’t have the answers just sharing thoughts & observations from the journey is all ~
